Healthy Boundaries for Healthy Relationships in Family Business

If you've been following me for a while, you're likely already familiar with my frequent discussions around the importance of healthy boundaries. In fact, it's one of the three pillars of Legacy that I emphasize in my work: clear communication, healthy boundaries, and energetic awareness. These three components are crucial for fostering balance, growth, and harmony within family businesses, making it a subject I can speak on endlessly.

However, today, I want to dive into the unique challenges and opportunities that healthy boundaries present specifically in the context of family businesses. Healthy boundaries in a family business often exist in a delicate balance, and it's crucial to understand how these boundaries not only affect relationships but also the overall energy and flow of the business. So, let’s dig into how boundaries function in this space and why they’re so vital for success.

What Are Boundaries, Anyway?

Let’s start by clarifying what I mean when I talk about boundaries. This can be a loaded term, and depending on your background or experience, you may have encountered a wide range of interpretations.

I’ve been in this work for years, blending my training in psychology, over 25 years of experience in multi-generational family business, and energy work. From this combination of perspectives, I view boundaries a bit differently than you might have encountered elsewhere.

One of the first things I want to say is that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to set a boundary. We often hear talk about boundaries in terms of “good vs. bad,” or “right vs. wrong,” but in reality, boundaries are deeply personal. They depend on the people involved, the relationships, and the unique circumstances of each situation.

As one of my mentors, Briana Borton, beautifully put it: Healthy boundaries are how I love you and me at the same time. This resonates deeply with me, because it emphasizes that healthy boundaries are about honoring both your needs and the needs of others in a balanced and loving way.

The Wall vs. Skin Analogy

When many people think about boundaries, they picture building a wall to protect themselves, but that’s not the approach I encourage. While boundaries certainly serve to protect us, they should be more fluid and flexible than a rigid wall. Instead, I like to compare healthy boundaries to skin.

Our skin protects our internal world, but it also allows us to connect, touch, and relate with others. Healthy boundaries in relationships are similar. We’re connected, but there’s a clear distinction between who we are as individuals and who the other person is. This distinction is essential for maintaining a sense of self while also nurturing healthy connections.

Boundaries Aren’t About Control

One of the most common misconceptions about boundaries is thinking they’re about controlling other people’s behavior. It’s easy to slip into the mindset of, “I have a boundary, and it’s up to you to respect it.” But boundaries aren’t about controlling what others do; they’re about our choice in how we engage with others.

For example, you can’t control how others behave, but you can control how you respond to those behaviors. Boundaries allow you to choose whether you participate in a situation or whether you need to remove yourself to protect your well-being. It’s an empowering shift of perspective.

Boundaries in Family Business

Now, let's talk specifically about how healthy boundaries play out in family businesses. To illustrate, let’s imagine a Venn diagram with two overlapping circles. One circle represents healthy boundaries in family relationships, and the other represents boundaries with the business itself. The intersection between these two circles is where family business dynamics often get complicated.

Unhealthy Boundaries in Family Relationships:

In family relationships, unhealthy boundaries can manifest in various ways. You might feel responsible for other people's emotions, or you may find yourself overly triggered by what’s happening in someone else’s life. Other signs include feeling drained after family interactions or avoiding difficult conversations.

These signs of unhealthy boundaries often result from blurred lines in relationships, and they can create friction, misunderstanding, and even resentment over time. In a family business, these dynamics can be particularly challenging because they also affect the way you work together.

Boundaries with Your Business Energy:

Equally important is understanding that your energy and the energy of your business are separate entities. As a business owner or leader, you are in a deep relationship with the energy of your business, but they are not the same thing.

I often talk about this in my work because it’s critical for long-term sustainability. If you're consistently feeling drained or unable to step away from the business, it’s a sign that your boundaries with your business energy may be out of balance. It’s vital to acknowledge that businesses need care and attention, but they shouldn’t drain you in the process.

Boundaries at the Intersection of Family and Business:

The real challenges arise when these two realms—family and business - overlap. One of the most common issues at this intersection is the generational handover of a family business.

When a business is passed from one generation to the next, there can be a lot of emotional and energetic entanglement. The previous generation might feel as though they are giving away a part of themselves, while the new generation struggles to assert their own identity within the business. This push-pull dynamic can lead to confusion and inefficiency, even when there’s a solid business plan in place.

At this point, healthy boundaries become essential. There needs to be a clear understanding of where one person’s energy ends and another’s begins. This allows the next generation to honor the legacy of the business while weaving their own vision and energy into it.

What to Do When Boundaries Are Unbalanced

So, what happens when you notice boundaries becoming unbalanced, confusing, or tangled? The first step is always awareness. Simply noticing where boundaries are leaking or not being respected is the first key to transformation.

Once you become aware, the next step is to create space and offer compassion. Sometimes, this involves having difficult conversations, setting clear expectations, or even seeking external help. If things feel especially stuck, it’s okay to bring in a professional to help mediate and guide the process. Family businesses often need an external perspective to untangle the energetic knots that form during transitions.

Final Thoughts

The good news is that with awareness, love, and a little professional support, it’s entirely possible to restore healthy boundaries in both family relationships and business dynamics. The path to more harmony and flow might not always be easy, but it is certainly worth it.

If you're finding yourself in need of support, I invite you to reach out for a discovery call here: https://www.thelegacyevolution.com/book-a-discovery-call

Together, we can explore how to bring more balance, joy, and creative expression into both your personal and business relationships.

Remember, there’s always an opportunity for growth, and it’s never too late to create the kind of harmony that you’re striving for.